Arhive zilnice: ianuarie 20, 2011

Men…

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We always hear “the rules”from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered “1 ” ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers. (FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports or news, it’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials…

1. Captain Cook did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really .

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football
or Cars.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

(source: willbarnesonline.com)

Women…

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(source: lolsnaps.com)

Trash Can?

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Blogul asta va deveni locul in care imi arunc naduful. Chiar daca se uita oameni pe care nu ii cunosc. Chiar daca se uita oameni ce cred ca ma cunosc. Chiar daca se uita oameni ce ma cunosc cu adevarat. Chiar daca se uita oameni pe care eu ii cunosc si sunt constienta de faptul ca as putea sa-i ranesc. Sunt in zona crepusculara numita sinceritatea dusa la extrem.

Oamenii au tendinta sa judece.  Sa-si schimbe atitudinea. Sa creada ca stiu mai mult decat li s-a dat, in urma rationamentelor proprii.  Sa te considere expus. Vulnerabil.

As afirma ca cei ce reusesc sa-si transpuna sentimentele, senzatiile, sunt puternici. Exista in ei o forta mai mare decat teama de a fi blamat. Si asta ii face puternici. Siguranta de sine. Acceptarea de sine. Si in ultima instanta, daca lucrurile degenereaza, it’s fictioon, fiction! *rade*

Intalnesti oameni ce aparent nu au nimic in comun cu tine. Pana in momentul in care isi materializeaza gandurile in cuvinte. Au tendinta de a se exprima mai bine in scris, mai usor, mai fluent. Si nu pentru ca au mai mult timp de gandire. Nu pentru ca revin asupra frazelor pentru a le cizela. Ci pentru ca nu au o confruntare directa cu fiinte ce le-ar putea induce senzatii cu caracter inhibitor. Sunt ei. Ei si lumea ce-i drept. Dar intre ei si lume exista un paravan. Lumea nu ii poate vedea. Nu poate vedea realitatea, durerea, euforia, exultarea interioara rasfranta pe chip. Doar cuvinte. Ce exprima un adevar sau o inchipuire.

Before and After

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BEFORE - You take my breath away.
AFTER  - I feel like I'm suffocating.

BEFORE - She says she loves the way I
         take control of a situation.
AFTER  - She called me a controlling,
         manipulative egomaniac.

BEFORE - Don't stop.
AFTER  - Don't start.

BEFORE - Is that all you're having?
AFTER  - Maybe you should have just a
         salad, Honey.

BEFORE - $60/doz.
AFTER  - $1.50/stem

BEFORE - We agree on everything.
AFTER  - Doesn't she have a mind of her own?

BEFORE - Victoria's Secret
AFTER  - Fruit-of-the-Loom

BEFORE - I love a woman with curves.
AFTER  - I never said you were fat.

BEFORE - Time stood still.
AFTER  - This relationship is going nowhere.

BEFORE - You look so seductive in black.
AFTER  - Your clothes are so depressing.

BEFORE - I can hardly believe we found each
         other.
AFTER  - I can't believe I ended up with
         someone like you.

BEFORE - Passion
AFTER  - Good Night

BEFORE - Once upon a time
AFTER  - The end



(source: yourdailyhumour.com - before and after marriage)