Arhive categorie: Amuzament cotidian

Men…

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We always hear “the rules”from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered “1 ” ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers. (FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports or news, it’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials…

1. Captain Cook did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really .

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football
or Cars.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

(source: willbarnesonline.com)

Women…

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(source: lolsnaps.com)

Before and After

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BEFORE - You take my breath away.
AFTER  - I feel like I'm suffocating.

BEFORE - She says she loves the way I
         take control of a situation.
AFTER  - She called me a controlling,
         manipulative egomaniac.

BEFORE - Don't stop.
AFTER  - Don't start.

BEFORE - Is that all you're having?
AFTER  - Maybe you should have just a
         salad, Honey.

BEFORE - $60/doz.
AFTER  - $1.50/stem

BEFORE - We agree on everything.
AFTER  - Doesn't she have a mind of her own?

BEFORE - Victoria's Secret
AFTER  - Fruit-of-the-Loom

BEFORE - I love a woman with curves.
AFTER  - I never said you were fat.

BEFORE - Time stood still.
AFTER  - This relationship is going nowhere.

BEFORE - You look so seductive in black.
AFTER  - Your clothes are so depressing.

BEFORE - I can hardly believe we found each
         other.
AFTER  - I can't believe I ended up with
         someone like you.

BEFORE - Passion
AFTER  - Good Night

BEFORE - Once upon a time
AFTER  - The end



(source: yourdailyhumour.com - before and after marriage)

Zambesc

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Mi-e dor si nu doare. E doar sinestezia nebuna de durere si gust dulceag de fruct rodit.

You said you'd be there for me
In times of trouble when I need you and I'm down

Nu esti. Nu esti aici. Dar ceva din tine este. Si ma bantuie in cel mai placut sens. Imi place vocea ta si caldura ei. Si simt ca intr-un fel inimile noastre s-au impacat. Cu ele insele si reciproc. Nu cu gandurile noastre. Gandurile noastre au fost vesnic impotriva lor. Vesnic influentate si influentabile. Ale mele de reactiile tale. Ale tale de gandurile si vorbele altora.  Daca s-ar iubi doar cu inima…Desi eu te-am iubit si cu gandul si cu trupul si m-am razboit vesnic cu cei din jurul tau pentru tine…

Ganduri, amintiri si scheleti emotionali.

And still we think that it is all about us
It's all about you

Oricum. Simt pace. Interioara. Chiar fericire, liniste. Da, fericire. Pot spune ce vreau, cand vreau, la orice ora din noapte si sa mi se raspunda asa cum mi-am dorit dintotdeauna. Vorbesc si explic si nu o fac in van…. E nebunesc. E minunat. Si…zambesc. Da, zambesc. Asta iti doreai. Sa zambesc. Dar n-ai facut-o tu, ci altcineva. Ideea de incredere.  Si materializarea ei. Sa stiu ca iti pasa. Ca eu sunt eu si, cel putin momentan, sunt unica…Asta ma face sa zambesc.

Iubirea si fericirea nu sunt ceea ce ti-ai imaginat. Le gasesti si primesti in locuri si persoane in care nu ai fi gandit pentru o clipa ca le vei gasi.

The reason
The reason